"Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up."

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Enhancing Relationship

Kama watoto wadogo.......

Trust is very important factor for all relationships.

When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered “Public utilities board” there was silence. She repeated “PUB” There was still no answer. When she was going to cut of the line, she heard a lady’s voice, “Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my husband’s pocket but I do not know whose number it is
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just “hello” instead of “PUB”

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that “ A speech either prosper or ruin a nation” many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited the construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, “Hi Emily Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school.” On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, “luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker.” She answered, “You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you.”

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship.

It’s like a broken egg – cannot be reversed.

Many relationship fail because one party tries to overpower another or demand too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that “It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person’s character.”
It is not easy to change.

Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage SDU, and requested, “ I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one. “The SDU officer said, “Your requirement please.”
Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if don’t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.
The officer listened carefully and replied, I understand you need TELEVISION.”
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife.

Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they make up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

A man asked his father in law, “many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?”
The father in law answered is a smile,
“Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong.
Always bare in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses,
she could not find a better husband than you.”
We all look forward to be loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at, this is the start of war.
We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistakes.

Different people have different perception. One man’s meat could be another man’s poison.
A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, “very stupid. Why neither of them rides on the donkey?” Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey.
He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, “The husband is the head of the family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?” Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old lady. She commented, “ how can the man ride the donkey but let the wife walk, he is no gentleman.”
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, met a young man. He commented, “poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons, they are cruel to you.” Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on the shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.

You can never everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future, thus do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

This is a true story that happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, and hammered the little boy’s hand into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to hospital.
Although the doctors tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy’s hands. When the boy wake up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, “Daddy I am sorry about your truck,” Then he asked, “but when are my fingers going to grow back?” The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps in your feet or you wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones and hurt feelings can’t. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes; we are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take in a rage will haunt us forever.
(The author is unknown)


Anonymous said...

Thats great Brother mbilinyi,your messages are strong enough to change peoples attitudes and make them people God want them to be.
God bless you

Anonymous said...

I thank you so much for ur comments and it is interesting that you have appreciated it as we need to come together and talk openly all important things concerning marriages, love and romance as long as these are Gods gifts to us and couples should enjoy from each part. if you have any idea you are welcome and will publish, this is not my blog but rather our blog where we can create wealth in our relationships.

Lazarus Mbilinyi

Anonymous said...

asante sana kaka yaani ujumbe ni mzuri unatufundisha mambo mengi sana kakatiaka jamii yetu na wengine tunajiekewa tupo katika position gani katika maisha na tutafanyanje katika maisha .mungu akubariki sana na azidi kukuongezea upeo .

Anonymous said...

Hallo Mr Lazarus,First of all I would like to say thanks for initiating this blog. I hope among things i have missed as young man is how things are going inside marriage.People just talk,we need to love each other without focusing on the reality.I think if we ask every couple to explain they way they drive their merriage we will have a lot of answers. I think most of them will say , i haven't found what i expected to find. Economics,spiritual ,family,ralatives and relationships issues are among paramiters that I found sometimes unbalanced and I don't know how I will be able to make them work togeither.
To day I will ask you this.
I'm a young boy and I expect one day to wed with some one unknown up to this moments . I pray on this and I believe that only God can help be to get the right personne i'm looking for. But i don't like to drop someone on the way before getting to the merriage. Qeust. What things i have to put in consideration so that my first decision will be the best one?
Thanks Mr lazarus,hoping to read more from you.
East africa.

Anonymous said...

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