"Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up."

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Ukimpenda, hutampiga, utamkumbatia, utambusu!

Mambo ya kudundana hadi kutoana ngeu kati ya wanandoa yamepitwa na wakati na si njia sahihi ya kutatua matatizo.
Soma makala ifuatayo kama ilivyoandikwa na kaka Maggid Mjengwa wa gazeti la Raia mwema pia unaweza kupitia blog yake.
JUMA la jana tulishuhudia uzinduzi wa kampeni ya kupambana na vitendo viovu dhidi ya wanawake. Kwenye moja ya safu za magazeti yetu ilipambwa picha inayomwonyesha mwanamke aliyepofuliwa jicho na mumewe akisimulia kisa chake mbele ya Rais Jakaya Kikwete.
Hakika, ilikuwa ni picha ya kusikitisha yenye kutoa mfano mmoja tu kati ya mingi juu ya vitendo viovu na vya kikatili dhidi ya wanawake vinavyofanywa na wanaume.
Uzinduzi wa kampeni ile unatutaka tuzidi kukumbushana wajibu wetu katika jamii. Hususan wajibu wa wanaume na zaidi mitazamo yetu kwa mwanamke.
Nimepata kuhadithia kisa cha bwana mmoja aliyepata kuwa tajiri na mwenye mali nyingi. Alikutana na mwanammke, wakapendana sana. Wakaamua kuoana. Siku ya harusi yao, bwana yule alimpa mkewe sharti moja. Sharti gumu sana. Akamwambia: "Ukitaka ndoa yetu idumu hakikisha huniingilii kwa jambo lolote nitakalofikiri na kuamua. Ukikiuka sharti hilo, basi, nitakufukuza mara moja nyumbani kwangu. Siku ya kuondoka nitakuruhusu uchukue kitu kimoja tu katika mali zote nilizonazo. Ukichague kitu hicho na ukichukue wende nacho kwenu.
Ikatokea jioni moja, katikati ya mazungumzo, Bibi yule alitamka: "Hapana sikubaliani nawe!" Hivyo, alikiuka sharti lile. Bwana yule alikasirika sana. Akatamka kwa hasira: " Unakumbuka sharti langu, ufikiri sasa kitu kimoja cha kuchagua kilichomo ndani ya nyumba yangu, alfajiri ikifika uanze safari ya kwenda kwa wazazi wako. Baada ya kuyasema hayo bwana yule hakutaka tena kuzungumza na mkewe, akachukua pombe zake, alianza kunywa, chupa moja baada ya nyingine. Alilewa chakari, alisahau hata kwenda chumbani, akalala kitini.
Mkewe akaomba msaada wa vijana nyumba ya jirani. Kwa pamoja wakambeba bwana yule hadi nyumbani kwa wazazi wa mke. Asubuhi ikafika, bwana yule alikurupuka usingizini, akajikuta yumo kitandani nyumbani kwa wakwe zake. Nimefikaje hapa?! Aliuliza kwa upole na kwa mshangao. Mkewe akamkumbatia na kumwambia: "Uliniambia siku ya kuondoka nyumbani kwako nichukue kitu kimoja tu, nami nimekuchukua wewe mpenzi wangu. Bwana yule alitabasamu na kumpiga busu mkewe. Kisha wakaongozana kurudi nyumbani kwao!
Katika malezi tunaona hali ya wazazi kutumia nguvu zaidi hata kufikia kuwapiga watoto wao pale wanapofanya makosa. Jambo hili linaonekana kuwa ni la kawaida kabisa. Jamii inalikubali, haioni kuwa mzazi anayetumia mkono au bakora kumwadhibu mtoto wake badala ya kutumia kauli, kuwa mzazi huyo ameshindwa kuikabili changamoto ya kulea. Kuwa mzazi huyo ana mapungufu.
Hali hiyo inaendelea hadi kwenye shule za chekechekea, msingi na sekondari. Mtoto anaachwa kuadhibiwa kwa bakora mara ile anapoanza masomo ya chuoni. Na ndipo hapa tunaposhuhudia, kuwa baadhi ya watoto hawa waliozoea kuelekezwa kwa bakora hupata taabu sana kujiongoza wenyewe kama watu wazima.
Tukirudi kwenye mahusiano kati ya mke na mume, si kweli kuwa, katika karne hii bado tuna wanawake wenye kuamini kwa dhati ya moyoni, kuwa kama waume zao hawawapigi na kuwatoa ngeu, basi wanaume hao hawawapendi. Hii ni dhana potofu ambayo kuna baadhi yetu, hususan wanaume wanataka kuiendeleza ili kuhalalisha maovu yao.
Ni upumbavu kumpiga na kumpofua jicho au kumtoa nundu mkeo halafu umwambie eti ni kwa sababu unampenda! Unayempenda kwa dhati hutathubutu kumpiga, utaongea nae, utamkumbatia, utambusu. Hayo ndio mapenzi.
Katika hili la kubadili mitazamo hasi kwa wanaume dhidi ya wanawake ni vema tukawekeza zaidi katika malezi ya watoto wetu. Tufanye hivyo majumbani na mashuleni. Ni vigumu kuwabadilisha kitabia wanaume, kuwa wasiwapige wake zao huku tangu utotoni mtoto wa kiume anaona jinsi baba anavyomgeuza mama yake kuwa mfuko wa kufanyia mazoezi ya ngumi.
Ni vigumu kuwabadili tabia hiyo wavulana walio mashuleni ilihali tuna sheria ya viboko ya mwaka 1975 yenye kuruhusu mwanafunzi kuchapwa bakora tatu. Idadi hiyo ya bakora hakuna anayeizingatia katika shule zetu. Bakora hupigwa wakati mwingine bila hata ya anayepigwa kujua idadi yake kwa jinsi zilivyo nyingi. Baadhi ya walimu wanaamini kuwa mwanafunzi hawezi kumwelewa mwalimu bila viboko. Wanawajengea hofu kubwa wanafunzi kiasi cha wengi kuchukia shule.
Bila shaka, wanawake ndio waathirika wakubwa wa maovu haya ya kupigwa na wanaume majumbani. Kuna haja ya kumsaidia mtoto wa kike. Tumpe nguvu mtoto wa kike kuanzia nyumbani hadi shuleni.
Mitazamo hii hasi ya wanaume inachangia kwa kiasi kikubwa kuongezeka kwa vitendo hivi vya ukatili dhidi ya mwanammke. Hatuna takwimu sahihi, lakini inasemekana kuna idadi kubwa ya wanawake wanaopoteza maisha yao kila mwaka kutokana na vipigo vya waume zao. Vingi ya vipigo hivi vinatokea ndani ya kuta nne za vyumba vya wanandoa.
Tuondokane na mitazamo potofu ya kimila na kitamaduni yenye kuhalalisha maovu na vitendo vya ukatili kwa mwananmke. Tumpe mwanamke na hususan mtoto wa kike nafasi yake katika jamii na hata katika masuala ya mapenzi na kujamiana. Mathalan, bado tuna makabila yenye mila za kurithishana wake katika zama hizi UKIMWI.
Ni ukweli pia, kuwa katika jamii yetu asilimia kubwa ya wanawake hawana nafasi ya kuamua kwa ridhaa yao juu ya suala zima la mahusiano kati ya mwanamke na mwanamme achilia mbali kushiriki kwenye tendo la ndoa.
Kwamba wanawake wanabakwa si vichochoroni tu, bali asilimia kubwa ya wanawake wanabakwa ndani ya kuta nne za vyumba vyao, na mara nyingi hubakwa na waume zao waliowaoa; kwamba kwa vile mwanamume ndiye aliyeoa, basi, anaona kuwa anayo mamlaka ya mwisho ya kuamua ni wakati gani atafanya tendo la ndoa hata bila ya ridhaa ya mkewe.
Wengi wetu tu mashahidi wa tunavyoziona hatua zenye kupelekea mtazamo hasi kwa nafasi ya mwanamke katika jamii zinavyoanzia. Zinaanzia nyumbani. Katika nyumba nyingi binti wa kike hana thamani sawa na mtoto wa kiume. Binti huyu wa kike anakua katika mazingira ya kutojiamini.
Mara nyingi binti wa kike huwa na elimu ya chini mno kama amepata bahati ya walau kwenda shule. Malezi ya mtoto wa kike ni ya kumwandaa ili siku moja akipata bahati aje "bwana" afunge ndoa naye, na hata kama si ndoa basi amchukue tu "akamfadhili".
Binti huyu wa kike analelewa katika mazingira yenye kumfanya awe na hofu kwa mwanamme. Tushiriki kuibadili mitazamo hii.
0754 678 252

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ni mwanakijiji cha cha Mjengwa. Niruhusu leo nikutembelee kwa shairi langu lifuatalo, lenye kusimulia maafa binafsi, kuitikia ujumbe uliotolewa:

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
My Memory Shoe Pinches With Indelible Hurts!
©Born Again Pagan - New York, 2008

Recovery happens
But this one is delayed
If not arrested;
Basic confidence lacking
Mirage competence
Invisible connection
Vacuous caring spirit
Arid character
Anger mismanaging brewer
Or just selfish motives,
Jealousy progenitor!

When scale-weighed,
Leaves much to be desired:
Vivid is the picture
My Rata (Father) laid a stick
On my Mai (Mother)
On three occasions
When still a tender-age boy;
Recovery has not come about
From that traumatic memories
My dear Mai suffering
Due to my dear Rata’s battering!

My memory a shadoof
Tears still irrigates my cheeks,
Like the waters of the mighty Nile
Over Egyptian dry Sahara Desert,
To pinch my conscience
Never to any woman!

The three incidents
My Rata battered my Mai,
Mine has become stunted growth
Under nutrient deficient
Forcing a reverse gear
Back to the future;
Give me the necessary nutrients
Of growth out of this back to future!

Empower my mind fragility
To totally forget it
When my younger brother,
Older sister and I woke up
To witness our so battered Mai
And asked why our beloved Mai
Had black marks on her eyes!
Emwe muchali okwera ameso!
(You are too young to comprehend
The reality of life!)
Mai consoled us;
My sister doubted!

Was it plausible,
My unconvinced sister inquired,
On a retreat to go
Three tender siblings
Nyumbani kwa mjomba
(To the home of Mai’s brother)
Away from our Rata?
Mbenawe emisango ejijokubha kisi;
Nichali nemwe anhu
(But things will be okay;
For here with you I am)
Mai consoled us again!

In her arms our Mai held
My younger brother,
Who promised Mai
That he would bite Rata
The next moment Rata
Laid a blow to Mai!

Empower me to forget
That vulnerability and scare,
Which tied the essence of survival
To our Mai by following her
All days long,
Like little ducklings at a pond
Of hostility and insecurity!

Into a bitter enemy
Rata had turned
Forcing parental abandonment
Of the non-aligned position
Always upheld
During cold war moments
Between Rata and Mai;
Into an open hostility
The social environment so turned!

My Mai,
To all chores you attended
With anchored determination
And forgiving resilience,
Without remorse,
Without compunction,
Without complaints,
Without holiday,
Without weekends
For the brood’s sake!

A new pair of fitting shoes
Who will buy me
For my memory shoe pinches?
A knee-wounded soldier,
My walking is but a limp
Awesomely long trudging distance
This life-journey to cover out there
In this world without end!

From my past bruised
And hurt memories,
Who will liberate me
And eradicate my scars
That crap the style
Of my philistine streets
Of my mega city,
The center of life control
Of this human body machine?

Who will volunteer
To come out to street clean
With the brooms
Of forgiveness
Of forgetfulness
On behalf of my dear Rata
So departed and resting
In their permanent dwellings?
Who will sieve out
Of my haunted spirit
All the wrought about
Three-incident dirties
When Rata inflicted beatings
On my Mai;
Who will fill the emptiness
Of my heart
With repentance
Of never again?

Who will sharpen
That pair of scissors
To cut the ribbon
Of love re-conquered
Between a husband and wife,
As partners in life?

None but you all,
Bha rata na bha mai bhone
(All men and women)
Of my beloved Earth!
So your gumption gather
For Rata and Mai
A pair of sharp scissors to remain
And cut the ribbon
Of love re-conquered
And live where domestic violence
Is never blissfully condoned
In our one world;
Different cultures!

Bha mai na bha rata bh'Echaro
(Earthly women and men all),
Give me napkins of forgiveness;
Give me napkins of forgetfulness
To wipe off the last tear-drop
Now trickling and drenching
The keyboard of this computer!

Rata wani,
(My dad),
In your new permanent residence,
Vindicated you are of any wrongs
Then rifting you to
Kicks and fists;
Mai wani,
(My mom),
Accept repentance
On behalf of your husband,
Rata wani!