"Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up."

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Yule Mwanaume!

James alikuwa devastated kusikia kwa rafiki yake kwamba mke wake yupo Beach ya Bagamoyo na mwanaume mwingine wakati aliaga kwamba anaenda Morogoro kumsalimia shangazi yake.
Rafiki yake James ambaye anafanya kazi na James ofisi moja alikuwa Bagamoyo kikazi na wakati wa mapunmziko aliamua kwenda beach kupunga upepo na ghafla akamuona mke wa James akiwa na mwanaume mwingine kwenye beach za Bagamoyo katika mazingira ambayo huhitaji kwenda shule ili ujue kuna something going on.
Ndipo akampigia simu James kumuuliza kulikoni mke kuwa Bagamoyo na mwanaume mwingine katika hekaheka za ajabu ajabu ajabu.

Hata rafiki yake James mwenyewe alikuwa huamini kile anakuona kwani alishangazwa na ujasiri wa mke wa James kuangamiza ndoa ya miaka 10 hivi hivi.

James alikuwa haamini kile anaambiwa na rafiki yake kwani ilichukua muda ili aamini kwa kuthibitishiwa ni kweli alikuwa mke wake na kwamba safari ya Morogoro haikuwepo bali ilikuwa ni Bagamoyo.
Swali lililokuwa linamuumiza james kichwa na kumkata tumbo kama kisu lilikuwa:-
“Je, huyo mwanaume ni nani hadi awe na mke wangu?”

Baada ya kurudi nyumbani ni kweli mke wa James alikiri kwamba ni kweli alikuwa na huyo mwanaume na akamsihi sana James mumewe amsamehe na kwamba atakata mawasiliano na huyo mwanaume milele.
"No more contact rule"

Maumivu na hasira alizokuwa nazo James hakuweza kuvumilia na mke wake alijua kwamba kukiri kosa au dhambi yake kutamfanya James amsamehe kirahisi na kuyamaliza kirahisi hata hivyo James alizidi kuwa na mawazo kuhusu "Yule mwanaume" mwingine na akawa hawezi kula wala kulala usingizi.

Alikuwa na mashaka na hofu kubwa kwani mkewe alikuwa ndiye mwenye kipato kikubwa na ilimuumiza sana kwani alijua inawezekana ipo siku huyo mwanaume anaweza kurudiana naye tena.

Mkewe alimuomba msamaha James tena na tena na akafanya hatua kubwa zaidi kwenda kwa Pastor wake (church) kueleza jinsi aulivyosaliti ndoa yake na kukiri kwamba hatarudia tena hata hivyo kwa James bado mawazo yalizidi kumkandamiza.
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James na mkewe wanawakilisha mamia ya wanandoa duniani ambao hujikuta issues za affair au (EMS) zinawapa hekaheka na maisha ya ndoa kuonekana ni chungu.
Wengi wakifanya kosa hili huamini wakiomba msamaha basi yule amesalitiwa huweza kusamehe kirahisi na mambo yakawa tambarare.
Cha ajabu ni kwamba unaweza kuwa na wewe umewahi kusaliti hata hivyo likija suala la yeye kusaliti inauma na kuwa uchungu usiovumilika.
"Ukweli hakuna anayependa kusalitiwa na yule anayempenda na kumpa moyo na maisha yake".
Anayeomba msamaha huwa hawatambui maumivu makali ambayo hujitokeza baada ya kukiri kosa lake pia haya maumivu ni sehemu ya healing processing ya issue yenyewe.
Hapa tunaona mke wa James ameshindwa kutambua maumivu aliyosababisha kwa mume wake.
Anaamini kuomba msamaha kunaweza kumaliza makosa yake na maumivu ya mumewe kirahisi na haraka na anashangaa kwa nini hasamehe na kusahau.

Hata hivyo James alikuwa mwoga sana na alijisikia insecure kwamba mkewe anaweza kutoweka moja kwa moja na "Yule mwanaume" badala ya kukubali kwamba ni kweli affair imetokea na ajisikie anavyokisikia na kumuuliza mkewe kupata data zote zinazotakiwa na hatua ambayo inaweza kuchukuliwa ili kuzuia tena kitu kama hicho kusitokee.
Ukweli ni kwamba suala la affair huumiza na ni jukumu la kila mwanandoa kumlinda mwenzake au kujilinda yeye mwenyewe kujiingiza katika issue mbaya na hatari kama hii.


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kaka asante kwa mawaidha yako mazuri.Kwa kweli nijifunza mengi kuhusu maisha.Ubarikiwe.

Naomba nisaidie hili: Kaka kama una appointment na rafiki wa kiume na ni first appointment na meeting alafu yule kijana anakupeleka Gesthouse, ivi kweli huyu kijana yupo serious au ndio mambo ya kuchezeana tuuuuuu.
Kwakweli naomba ushauri katika hili.
Asante.

Lazarus Mbilinyi said...

Dada,
Asante sana kwa maoni yako na ninabarikiwa zaidi ninaposikia unajifunza kitu kwa ajili ya maisha yako na zaidi suala la mahusiano kwani kama hupo kwenye mahusiano yoyote basi ipo siku utakuwa kwenye mahusiano na jambo la msingi ni wewe kuwa na skills za kutosha.

Kuhusu Swali lako ambaye ni mara ya kwanza kuwa na appointment na anakupeleka Guest house unauliza kama yupo serious.

Hujafafanua kwamba yupo serious kuhusu nini ila nahisi una maana yupo serious wewe kuwa rafiki na baadae mke.

Kwa maoni yangu naamini huyo kijana yupo serious na kuutaka mwili wako kuuchezea then basi.

Kama anakupenda atalikulinda kwa gharama zote na hata maeneo mntakutana hayawezi kuwa na maswali .
Sasa kama anao ujasiri wa kukupeleka hadi guest house basi inabidi uwe makini.

Pia wanaume nao wanajua aina za wanawake kama anafaa kwa ndoa au ni wa kuchezea tu sasa jihadhari usiwe yule wa kuchezewa tu.

Pole sana dadangu!

Anonymous said...

Halo,
I like the message, so educative and really touches many people's lives! I advice you do all the needful to publicize the blog. Make it special to couples and lovers. you can do this either by linking with other blogs; create key messages and print them on wall poster, in newspapers etc. I assure you by doing this you will pull good number of people to visit your blog.

Lazarus Mbilinyi said...

Hello,

I do thank you so much for granting your precious time to write to me.

I also thank you so much for visiting "The Hill of Wealthy" and taking some tips for your relationship.

This is also to inform you that blogging (relationship issues) is just my hoby not my essentials so making it go public means more work.

I am working hard to write a book for people to read especially where internet is still a problem.

Otherwise God bless you

Lazarus Mbilinyi said...

Hello,

I do thank you so much for granting your precious time to write to me.

I also thank you so much for visiting "The Hill of Wealthy" and taking some tips for your relationship.

This is also to inform you that blogging (relationship issues) is just my hoby not my essentials so making it go public means more work.

I am working hard to write a book for people to read especially where internet is still a problem.

Otherwise God bless you